Lately (and by lately I mean the past few months) I've felt myself desperately seeking reassurance that I am loved. I crave the reminder of God's truth and the passion He has for me, and it feels like a continuous uphill battle fighting against the lies of the enemy. I guess to describe my heart these past few months, I would use words like "weak, frail, mending, healing. . . ." I'm basically feeling worn out. And many times find myself on the point of giving in and just trying to settle for believing I'm at least tolerated. And then I feel pathetic. And the emotional, mental and spiritual self-destruction goes on. It hurts. And I can't be frustrated with myself, when the enemy really knows what he's doing. I just have to take baby steps in remembering His love.
Lately I've been getting back into Coldplay much more. They are by far one of my favorite bands. Beautiful music. And one day when my heart was feeling especially heavy, I heard their song Warning Signs:
I've got to tell you what a state I'm in.
I've got to tell you in my loudest tones
That I started looking for a warning sign
When the truth is:
I miss you.
Yeah, the truth is
that I miss you so.
And I'm tired. . . .
. . . so I crawl back into your open arms.
Yes I crawl back into your open arms. ] - Warning Signs
I was listening to it with a friend and had to turn my head, because I had started crying quietly, and of course it's embarrassing to cry listening to a song. But it was sooo what my heart was feeling, and feels often. I miss Him. I miss Truth. I miss constant reminders of Love. It was a start, and a reminder. Abba's arms are so much more than open, and I can RUN into them! Some other songs that stir my soul, are "See You Soon" and "A Message". Here are some of the lyrics from each song:
[So you lost your trust,
And you never should have
no, you never should have. . . .
. . . you lost your trust, oh
you lost your trust, I know.
Don't lose your trust, no.
Don't lose your trust.] - See You Soon
Obviously, this is a very small section of the song, but I just love the repetition of the understanding that sometimes you lose trust, but I have to remember who I'm putting my trust in and why it's worth it in His hands.
[My song is love
Love to the lonely song
And it goes on
You don't have to be alone.
Your heavy heart
is made of stone
And it's so hard to see clearly
you don't have to be on your own.
You don't have to be on your own.
And I'm not gonna take it back
And I'm not gonna say 'I don't mean that'
You're the target that I'm aiming at
Gotta get that message home.
My song is love.
My song is love I know
And I'm on fire for you, clearly
you don't have to be alone
You don't have to be on your own.
And I'm not gonna take it back.
And I'm not gonna say 'I don't mean that'
You're the target that I'm aiming at
And I'm nothing on my own.
Got to get that message home.
And I'm not gonna stand and wait
Not gonna leave it til it's much too late
On a platform I'm gonna stand and say
That I'm nothing on my own.
And I love you please come home!
My song is love, is love
And I've got to get that message home.]
So much of this song reminds me of the persistency of God in ransoming our hearts. He does NOT give up, and He does NOT take any of it back. I especially love the chorus line: "And I'm not gonna take it back, and I'm not gonna say 'I don't mean that', you're the target that I'm aiming at, gotta get that message home."
It's nice to know that I just need to look and listen around me to be reminded of God's love, He always meets me right where I'm at and is more than happy to remind me of how much He delights in me [Psalm 41:11].
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