Love is here

Come to the water, you who thirst

and you'll thirst no more

Come to the Father, you who work

and you'll work no more

and all you who labor in vain

and to the broken and shamed

Love is here

love is now

love is pouring from His hands, from His brow

love is near

it satisfies

Streams of mercy flowing from His side

Cause love is here

Come to the treasure, you who search

and you'll search no more

Come to the Lover, you who want

and you'll want no more

And to the bruised and fallen

captives bound and broken hearted

He is the LORD

He is the LORD

By His stripes He's paid our ransom

From His wounds we drink salvation

He is the LORD 

He is the LORD

Love is here. 

When I got to visit Tifani in Colorado, she gave me the Tenth Avenue North CD, and this is the first song on the CD. I've listened to it constantly since then. And I'm continuing to be reminded just as whoever the guys that wrote this song were, that my God is here. His love is here. Not it's coming, or hang in there for just another sec, you've got to wait it out a little longer. His love remains. 

I am being held and I am being healed. I can feel it and see it all around me. That's not to say that it doesn't still hurt sometimes. But I can't let my desire for instant gratification affect my trust in the LORD. He is the Healer, and he has promised me this. So I put my trust in that, and I have to remember to hold onto that Truth.

"The LORD your God is with you, He is MIGHTY to save! He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing." [Zephaniah 3:16-17]

And Josh, I think your words echo what so many others have been encouraging me and strengthening me with. But since you put it in writing, I hope it's ok if I put it here. It gives me so much strength. :) 

"Ali, you've got to read some missionary bios, it will give you some great perspective. . . it's what I often do. The road you're on, most never make it. Those who do, have been broken and rebuilt to withstand the innumerable bumps and challenges along the way. I believe God's in the process now of making you into someone He can use in big ways around the world. We're not born that way and it doesn't only happen when we're 0-18. God is making someone He can use and He often uses many of the ingredients that are currently present in your life. If something like this knocks you off the path, you weren't going to make it very far anyways. If it doesn't. . . THEN. . . you're much closer to experiencing God's best for you than you were 2 short months ago, and you just might have what it takes. We're still figuring out if I have what it takes. . . this isn't coming from one who has it figured out. . . no. . . one who is figurING it out. You rock, Ali. Don't give up." 

Thanks. I can't thank all of you enough, who have loved on me, encouraged me, urged me forward, and challenged me throughout my time here. Thanks for being used by Him to be a blessing to me. I love you all. :) 

why

Lately I just want to ask God why. I don't just want to ask, I want Him to really answer. Really. Because it feels pretty unfulfilling right now to hear someone say if I just have a desire to serve, He will send me. I had that desire, I have had that desire, and I'm home right now. Why did I even go just to be hurt in coming back? It's not even like I'm sad in coming home at the end of the year. . . I'm just wounded and I don't know what to do with myself. I don't know what happens next, and I just feel like giving up. 

Why? 

Lost. . .

I just bought the book "The Shack" today. I read about two chapters of it a few days ago when I was visiting my friend Leah, and today while I was at the airport and was sitting staring at the Powell's across the way, thought I might as well go on over and see if they have it in stock and if it's at a reasonable price. I kept thinking of the book since I read it. The fact that the main character is going through what he continues to describe as "the great sadness" sounds fairly close to what kinds of emotions I am struggling through right about now. So I found it at the Powell's in the airport, and it was reasonably priced and I purchased it. And I read it, the whole flight. There were a few parts that brought tears to my eyes, but the part that really struck me was here:

"Jesus?" he whispered as his voice choked. " I feel so lost."

A hand reached out and squeezed his, and didn't let go. "I know, Mack. But it's not true. I am with you and I'm not lost. I'm sorry it feels that way, but hear me clearly. You are not lost."

A few short sentences that embody my thoughts and hurts, and a message that only Jesus truly can share: I'm with you and I'm not lost, therefore neither are you. 

I may feel lost. . . but Jesus isn't lost.